Blak at Last!

Thanks to the casino concession guy Lawrence (who was in Seattle), I managed to get a hold of two bottles of the ultra-rare (in Canada at least) Coca-Cola Blak. Unfortunately I drank both bottles on one break (after downing a can of Red Bull the break before) so I don't think I will sleep much this morning.

Blak tastes pretty good, not as much coffee taste as I'd originally thought. It tastes a bit like those bottled Starbucks coffee drinks. I can't wait for Blak to show up on Canadian shelves this summer.

The Holidays are Over

And so ends my short holiday of four days. At least it ended on a good note with my nice win at Edgewater.

After careful consideration, I'm not going to buy a new car at the present time, but will shop for a decent used car. Financially it will not be feasible for me to put no money down and totally finance a new car. However, I'm still getting a car! To be continued!

Jackpot!

I should stop playing poker. I was having a bad night at the casino (down about $200) until around 4am when I made my way to the automated roulette game. I made a little bit there and then went to the Monopoly slot machine. About 10 minutes in, I hit for 6000 nickels! Before I knew it I had made $500 on the machine. Oh what a night.

X Men: Last Stand

How can I miss this movie? It was awesome, much better than the other May blockbusters (Mission Impossible III, Da Vinci Code). Jean Grey/Phoenix was hot, almost as memorable as when Anakin Skywalker "became" Darth Vader.

And now my vacation continues, when I must sit back and decide on a lot of things for my future.

What I Did on My Vacation

After my original plan of seeing Madonna in Vegas this weekend fell through, I was left without any place to go. As it so happened, Vandy was not well and they needed a relief floor manager, so I spent Day 1 of my 5-day vacation working! It was a pretty uneventful night, things are getting pretty routine now (which is a good thing).

And so my vacation begins... again...

Party

Somehow I found myself at club tonight (Plush, the one that is near the Edgewater Casino). I hadn't been to a club in ages and to be honest, the music sucked. I'm just not into the modern crap except for a few songs. Plus I was a lightbulb (it's a Chinese term) because evidently Christie is interested in some guy that was there. Cross her off the list.

But luckily I had an OK night at Edgewater. The money I wasted on the cover and a few drinks was recuperated and then some.

37 more days until this oldtimer hits 40. I need a party.

Sleep

After the movie, I went to the casino for a few hours and made a little bundle. I came home at 6am and went to bed, and slept... and slept... and slept. When I woke up, the 6am had become 6pm. I feel refreshed and ready for the coming week. I only have to work two days before my 5-day holiday. Even if I'm not going to Vegas as previously planned, I look forward to my days off.

Da Vinci Code

I never read the book, but went to see the movie last night. After seeing the movie, I have no plans to read the book, because I HATED the movie. It was boring, bland, and too confusing. Tom Hanks looked like he wanted to go home. All this hype about one book and the movie pretty much destroyed the hype. Avoid.

New Beginnings

Yes, the proverbial "eternal flame" will still burn for Jack, just as a little flame still burns for my past relationships and failures. But it's time for a new start now. I look forward to new challenges.

No More

I had a rare shift as closing manager at work, something I hadn't done in over 3 months. As a result, I knew I had to concentrate and try not to screw things up "royally". Overall it went well. The casino was pretty much dead all night so it wasn't too hard to keep track of.

And of course, everybody is still wondering about the other thing. Well, I sent her home early and I had a great time at work. You know what, I can hope and wish all I want, but it's just not worth it. So, for better or for worse, it's over. Maybe things will change in the future but this is the present. There are much better prospects to set my sights on.

I would like to think all my friends who helped me through this. Your advice has not been forgotten.

Hopelessly Devoted to You

Guess mine is not the first heart broken, my eyes are not the first to cry
I'm not the first to know, there's just no gettin' over you

Hello, I'm just a fool who's willing to sit around and wait for you
But baby can't you see, there's nothin' else for me to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you

But now there's nowhere to hide, since you pushed my love aside
I'm not in my head, hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you, hopelessly devoted to you

My head is saying "fool, forget it", my heart is saying "don't let go"
Hold on to the end, that's what I intend to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you

But now there's nowhere to hide, since you pushed my love aside
I'm not in my head, hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you, hopelessly devoted to you

Hopelessly Devoted to You -- Olivia Newton-John

Who Reads This?

There's so much I want to say on this blog but I've worried that the wrong people will read this and then I will get myself into trouble. There is so much going on at work and I know if I say the wrong thing then all hell will break loose. I know many of my "non-work" friends read this and to them I say hi. Thanks for keeping up with my so-called life. I don't believe anybody at work reads this blog but with the Internet who knows. I've suspected that somehow, some way, there are people who read this. Well even if that were true, so be it. There is something I want to write and it's quite obvious who I'm writing about. But it's time I got something off my chest.

How do you know when you're truly in love? Can you still be in love even if the other person does not reciprocate the feeling? And even if you know that she is not interested in you, do you simply give up? At what point can you truly say, "I surrender"?

I haven't felt this way about someone in a long time. True, there have been people that I thought I was in love with, but those quickly faded away. But there is something special about . I know she is not interested in me right now. Part of me knows that she is not interested in a serious relationship right now with anyone. But it's more than that lately. My intuition, my sixth sense, my feeling is that there is something more to her avoidance of me lately. Is there something --or dare I say, some one-- else? I wish I could get through to her. At some point I know I have to, for my own sake.

So Jack, if somehow you are reading this, please talk to me. Put me at peace at least.

The Phoenix Rises

I promised myself to forget the past week and I did. Overall it was pretty much back to normal, but after all that's happened, I still have unanswered questions that I have to deal with. I never did have that talk with Jack. And once again I refer back to the words of one Olivia Newton-John:

My head is saying, "Fool forget it"; my heart is saying, "Don't let go". At what point do you give up? But if everybody gave up at the first rejection, nobody would be successful. It's plain and simple, we have to have a heart-to-heart talk. But at least I'm ready for it.

Cryptic

My posts in the last week have been quite cryptic. As much as I want to say everything that I want to, I must refrain because there are a lot of damaging things that I know. Sometimes even the Internet has ears and I must be wary of what is written on this page.

To those who have emailed asking if I'm OK, yes I am. I'm like the male version of The Phoenix in X Men. I will rise above the ashes. Oops, there I go again being cryptic. But I'm fine.

Feeling a Bit Better

After a long talk with Bon Bon, I do feel a lot better. I've written a lot of strange shit in the last few days but that was because I felt a lot of strange shit. It's still going to be hard going to work knowing what I know but I must prove myself capable of doing so.

All by Myself

When I was young
I never needed anyone
And makin’ love was just for fun
Those days are gone

Livin’ alone
I think of all the friends I’ve known
But when I dial the telephone
Nobody’s home

All by myself
Don’t wanna be
All by myself anymore
All by myself
Don’t wanna live
All by myself anymore

Hard to be sure
Some times I feel so insecure
And love so distant and obscure
Remains the cure

All by myself
Don’t wanna be
All by myself anymore
All by myself
Don’t wanna live
All by myself anymore

All by Myself -- Eric Carmen

So Now What?

These upcoming two days off will be very reflective for me, as I have to decide what I want to do. I am feeling so confused, disappointed, angry, sad, depressed, and many other emotions that I am not thinking clearly.

Nice guys finish last. How sad but true.

Intuition

I should have known.

Blues Part 2

So many things seem to be happening at the same time; some good, some bad. As a result I've been pretty much moping at work looking all depressed and sad. It doesn't help that a lot of my friends at work have been further depressing me with their various problems. I guess my 40th birthday isn't going to come without some fanfare and excitement. I just hope that in the end I can be happy.

Blues

Why am I so depressed?

On a lighter note, the perfect license plate for my new car would be JACK FM (think about it).

Life, Love and a Car

The following week will be very important in more ways than one. I know it's time that Jackeline and I have our talk about our relationship and see where things stand. We are definitely getting closer and unless my intuition is totally wrong, at least she feels a little something for me. It was strange that somebody at work said he thought Jackeline likes me. Wow, if it were only that easy. Let's see what fate has in store for me this time.

And then there is the business of the car. Hopefully I get the financial aspect of the purchase taken care of so I can take my honey out. Even if Jack and I don't end up together it's been one hell of a ride.

Audrey Hepburn

Happy Birthday to the most beautiful woman that ever lived.

Car Shopping Part 2

I have an appointment with the business manager at Granville Toyota tomorrow. I know what car I want, I know what accessories I want, now it's time to play "Let's Make a Deal". Or rather in this day and age, we'll be playing "Deal or No Deal". Let's see what happens.

Meanwhile, I hope my Honey feels better from her little flu.

The New Month

And so another week and another month begins. I feel somewhat refreshed with a better outlook. I still have a lot of problems and matters to deal with but after talking with Bon Bon I feel better at least. She's become a really good friend who seems to understand everything.